How Poor Judgement Can Actually Lead Us To Our Own Intuition
About fourteen months ago, I began a powerful awakening process. Little did I know at the time, this meant my journey included a lot of shadow work, and as a previously self-proclaimed party girl from New York City, this turned out to be more like eclipse-work. My journey on the spiritual bypass train of love and light, trusting my inner guidance, and spreading joy quickly showed me the aspects of my life that I needed to spread more of these “good vibes” to.
Around the same time as this spontaneous awakening, I met a man. He was everything I had asked for, he was vegan, a yogi, traveled and lived in LA. We also shared the same yoga teachers and loved them as dearly as I did. He was creating a yoga teacher training company for our teachers, and offered me a job. Although he ended up giving the job to another woman, he made space on his team to work with him. This yoga connection quickly turned into a love affair. I was beginning to feel the shadows of my inner psyche, and having someone who loved me and wanted to hold space for my experience was comforting. He seemed generous, incredibly intelligent, and seemingly. The inner child in each of us was meeting at a beautiful place in our lives.
Time went on, and he started to develop feelings for the other woman he hired, who was not interested in him romantically whatsoever. I didn’t trust he was telling me the truth when he would say otherwise, however, I still listened to his words over my own wisdom.
This process of listening to someone else over my own internal guidance was the beginning of the internal conflict I experienced as a layer on top of my awakening process.
During the entire time of knowing him, I would experience deep fear after speaking with him, but I accounted it to my own internal fears, rather than it being due to this person in my life. Already, I was not trusting my intuition.
Now, over a year later, and one contract later which stated my payment for my work to be compensated, he has continued to evade paying me and has breached his contract. This, on top of the case of releasing an employee to pursue a one-sided love interest with another employee, things were not looking so good.
So, why am I sharing this, and what is the lesson in this story?
The lesson is, even our fears are guiding us. Our emotions, when we are tuned in, rather than triggered, are our guiding posts to living a life fully free. Had I known to trust the fear I felt since day one, instead of internalizing it, I could have made a better choice before this journey blew up the way it did. However, I hope this story can serve you in learning how to trust your intuition:
Trust your feelings over thoughts
The entire range of human emotion is serving us when we develop a healthy relationship with our feelings. In fact, these feelings can guide us towards people and circumstances that we feel loved, valued, and relevant in, which is really the key to following our intuition. For many years I did not have a relationship with my fear, so when it presented itself, I did not know how to listen to her calling. I did not understand that this, too, was love showing me the way.
2. Welcome Everything
By welcoming everything, we begin to be at peace with what exists in this life. By listening to our feelings of fear, sadness, happiness, etc; and taking appropriate actions accordingly, we slowly begin to trust that the unknown will offer more growth for us than the limitations of perceived safety.
Walking meditation, vipassana meditaiton, guided meditation, vedic meditation- ANY meditation works. Learned to sit and watch our thoughts, and be reminded that we are not them, is a life long journey, but an invaluable skill that will surely bring you to your truth. Our truth, in this case, is another term for our intuition- our highest guidance leading us with love. You will know you are listening to your intuition by how you feel- it is a personal response deeply rooted in your own being, that no other being create for you or explain to you.
Having terrible judgment in a relationship brought me back to my own love, because it reminded me to listen to my intuition. By trusting someone else over myself, I created deep suffering in my psyche. Do we need to experience suffering in order to return to our love? Absolutely not. By learning to trust our intuition, we strengthen this muscle and allow it to guide us through our lives. Sometimes fear is called in by our intuition as a guide to show us to stay away from something. The language of our hearts is only experienced through feeling, cannot be taught as a subject, but rather revealed through an unshedding of conditioned layers.